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The Battle of the BedtimeWhen will my child sleep through the night?It's the million dollar question and the one thing that affects a lot of parents and causes stress and agrevation to the parent in particularOne of the most frequent problems that concern and aggravate parents is the battle of the bedtime. Many of us find ourselves unable to get the kids to bed at a reasonable time without an unending struggle. Persistent crying and frequent nighttime awakenings further frustrate us. Let's take a look at how the problems start and some possible solutions. Routine is importantOne must establish a reasonable bedtime and put your child to bed at the same time every night. Remember, bedtime is for parents, not children. You need time at night to act like an adult, without children present. The start of quiet time begins about 30 minutes before bedtime. This serves both to alert the older children that bedtime is imminent.There is a distinction to be made here. There is a difference between bedtime and sleep time. Parents determine bedtime. Children determine sleep time. You can put a child to bed, but you can't make him sleep. So don't try. If the child wishes to sing quietly or look at books for seemingly endless periods of time, that is his choice, and there is really nothing wrong with that as long as the child remains in bed. Despite your wishful thinking, you cannot force a child to sleep. What if they cryOnce the door is closed, do not go back in the room. Once you have left, you must ignore all crying, whining, and pleading that may emanate from the room, no matter how pathetic or distressed it may sound. How long do kids cry? Depending on the temperament of the child, as little as 10 minutes, or as long as two to three hours. Don't get discouraged, as it will quickly taper off. This method is more useful for older kids and I would not recommend using this technique for children younger than eight to nine months of age. If you feel you would simply be unable to listen to your child cry, then there is an alternative. It is a bit more complicated and it takes a lot longer to see results, but many people prefer it. It involves gradually increasing the crying time over a period of weeks, with the parent initially leaving the room and then returning to comfort the child and be there while he gets to sleep. You are not allowed to pick the child up or to feed him, and he must be put in the crib while awake. This method was popularized by Dr. Richard Ferber and is described in detail in his wonderful book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.Once the child is put down to bed after the ritual is completed and you leave the room, you wait for the child to cry. The first time the child cries, you should immediately respond by coming back into the room and soothing the child by voice and touch. However, you cannot pick the child up nor feed her. You should stay with her until she falls asleep. At the next awakening, wait one minute before responding, at the third, wait three minutes, and so on. Get a good nights sleepIt is important for you as well as your child to defuse the battle of the bedtime. It's hard to be a good care giver when you are sleep deprived. The best way is to use these techniques at the beginning, before a problem arises. Put your young infant in the crib while awake and teach her how to fall asleep on her own. But even if you're too late for that, don't despair; these techniques work quite well even in older kids with years of experience of having figured out that you don't mean what you say.
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